Friday, April 11, 2014

The Book of Real and Imaginary Girlfriends by Moctezuma Johnson


Amazon Book Description:
What goes on behind closed doors? What goes on in the shadows of alley ways? This book of erotic poems and fiction from Moctezuma Johnson yanks the doorknobs from the doors and throws the doors open like a Sexual Cowboy busting into a Rough Saloon. Each poem is a spotlight onto a private act. As you read you get to be voyeur to the most intimate moments. You get to see things most people don't want you to, things you have always wanted to see. You get to be the dirty things themselves in this blend of Porno-Literary Madness laced with sexual tension and an overriding sense of longing for women and love.

This is the first book from the legendary and infamous King of Erotica Moctezuma Johnson, the man who was banned from blogger due to being too hardcore. See the book of poems and fiction that rock star poet Misti Rainwater-Lites describes as, "Sex as a Corn Dog, a carnival snack snatched and devoured in between the Zipper and the Tilt-A-Whirl." Remember, before you start reading you should close the shades.

Author Interview:
What made you want to write erotica?
I really didn’t chose erotica. Erotica chose me. I just had all this sexual energy in me. As I got older I pretty much had to release it. I used to think about it as taking the trash to the curb but now I’m starting to think it’s much more beautiful than that. Maybe it’s something more like raking the leaves on a Spring day. Anyway, I have always talked dirty with my friends and feel like direct language is the only language to trust, so erotica was a natural fit for me.

I mean, I first masturbated when I was four and got my first blow job when I was twelve years old. She literally blew on it. She put it in her mouth and blew, like she was inflating a balloon till we figured out that that didn’t pleasure me and, in fact, that it hurt. By fifteen was enjoying psychedelics and getting laid regularly with no more balloon-blowing blowjobs.

Did you always know you wanted to be a writer?
Always. I wrote short stories as a kid and then became a journalist after school and never really looked back. Thanks to this awful capitalism we are engulfed in momentarily I’ve always had to do other things such as teach (which will kill any writer’s career!), manufacture psychedelics, bootleg alcohol, as well work for various journals and magazines. Writers just don’t make the money they should. In my opinion, the world is fucking broken.

What does your writing area look like?
I write anywhere I can. I have a young son so I’m either swatting him away while writing on the couch or hiding in a cafe while he’s at school. I have a desk, but I never write at that desk. Instead, it’s covered in folded laundry, boxes of tissues for runny noses, an empty plastic file cabinet (I’m not sure what that was even supposed to be for), and some weird chair/back-massager.

Tell us your most rewarding experience since being published?
I got an incredible review from the poet Misti Rainwater-Lites. This completely blew my fucking mind because I think she’s the most talented writer I’ve ever read. I nearly jizzed when she agreed to read my book, and blew all over the wall when I read the review. I’m getting a hard on now just thinking of it.  [link to her review]

Goals for the future projects books?
I’d really like to have a whole series. I see writers with ten books in a series, and three series, etc. How do they do that? It takes me forever to write one book.

Anything you want to say to your readers?
I’m happy there’s a group of people who don’t want their writers to conform to a shitty little box of bullshit language. There are cool people out there who can decode sarcasm, find deeper meanings, and enjoy uncut thoughts. I am eternally grateful for them.

Is there a genre you could never write? Which and why?
Romance. Because I’m too much of a cunt. I can put romance into erotica as a tool, but I could never write a romance from start to finish. At some point somebody would have a giant dildo that she would start using to bludgeon someone else.

Can you describe your book in one sentence?
Langston Hughes meets Mika Tan.

Where do you get your ideas/inspiration for your book?
I get inspiration from every place. Every day I have thousands of ideas, unfortunately I forgot at least 999 during the course of other stuff I have to do. I get inspired by other writers, by movies, by stories I hear at the bar (bartenders get tons of pussy and tons of story, incidentally), by really hot porn, by dirty words, by articulate cursing, by working out, and by sex.

Will you have a new book coming out soon? Can you tell us about it?
I have a new book coming out called the Triangulum Stain: Attack of the Alien Dildo. This one is Michael Crichton meets Mika Tan. It follows an Alien Agent landing in a small down in Arizona. That agent infects the men of the town and makes their ejaculate become a sentient Dildo that only has one thing on its mind: Fucking. A scientist and a team of Foxy Female MIBs (really they are Women-in-Black) take on this Alien Dildo Race in a sexy, silly race for survival. This book is a lot of fun. I’ve never written Sci-Fi before and really enjoyed it. Also, since I’m dealing with sentient dildos, the sex scenes are pretty out of this world. 

Sample Poem:
Author's Note: I’m including a Free Poem for you to see how I write. I was thinking of this girl I met on the beach about ten years when I was sitting alone in front of my guest house in Malaysia. She had an improbably big gorgeous ass.

that ass was worth more than most people ever have

that ass was the sweetest thing
like the King of the Fruit, the durian.
that ass sat on the beach
off the hot water of Penang.
that ass was like a spoon laced with
sticky syrup dripping all over
onto my hands and thighs
she was nice enough to lick it all off
she was nice enough to unleash that ass
like letting a fish out of the water
that ass splashed and splattered
out of her yoga pants
and hung: two eggplants
drooping till she gave
and its syrup got all over me
she was nice enough to lick it off
slowly cause I was nice enough
to put me into that ass
Indonesia liberated Java
pewter was cleaved from the riverbeds
morning tea was stretched into eternity
I pounced
that ass leaped
I bounced
that ass catapulted
I bombarded
that ass propelled
I released
that ass was
imprisoned, plundered, and ransomed:
wE HavE yOUr AsS wIll tRadE iT foR 1,0o0,0o0 wArM moUth$

My Review:
The Book of Real and Imaginary Girlfriends was given to me in exchange for an honest review. To be fair, I am not extremely well-versed in the genre of poetry, and so I am probably not worthy of reviewing this artistic genre.

With that being said, The Book of Real and Imaginary Girlfriends is like reading a stream of consciousness, like a collage painting the dynamics of one man's sexuality. My favorite parts include sets of poems telling different sections of a story. Also, some of the poems ended with rather presumptuous conclusions, adding a spicy twist. Readers my find that The Book of Real and Imaginary Girlfriends has a few chauvinistic moments; written with the intent of arousal. While some may find poetry a challenge to write, with a restricting set of rules, MJ clearly sees it as a vehicle of freedom. He uses poetry as a modality to convey thought processes that would be difficult to convey in another medium. I have a great respect for authors who successfully write poetry, and I would say MJ is among them.

The Book of Real and Imaginary Girlfriends is Available on Amazon Here.

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  1. Thanks for this careful review and awesome interview!

    1. It was my pleasure!! Thanks for stopping by!!!

  2. I'm a Moctezuma Johnson groupie. His gets me wet with his words."

    1. Happy to hear that. I hope you're not the only one!

  3. I'm a Moctezuma Johnson groupie. His gets me wet with his words."

  4. I'm a Moctezuma Johnson groupie. His gets me wet with his words."

  5. I hope to sign up Moctezuma Johnson groupie. Im such a big fan of his literary works.

  6. I hope the author will be interviewed more in this blog. Legions of followers are excited on his next work.

    1. Thanks for all the love!!

      Don't forget to order Triangulum Stain at